Rudy Giuliani has on his website a section called “12 Commitments to the American People.” He’s the leading Republican candidate, so on the chance that American votes for yet another Republican president, I thought I should look into what the next four to eight years could end up looking like.

I will keep America on offense in the Terrorists’ War on us.

First of all, kudos to his staff to the phrasing this as though we’re not the ones enacting that war. As Bush’s press secretary would remind you, we haven’t been attacked since September 11th, and, as i’d point out, Iraq had nothing to do with the terrorist threat. Therefore, KEEPING America on offense in the Terorrist’s War on us isn’t even really a fitting promise, since that would mean that our military action was about the terrorist threat, rather than revenge, oil, liberation…. take your pick.

Secondly, on offense. Didn’t someone once say that the best offense was a good defense? Keeping us on offense just makes me think that this means we’re going to end up bombing more countries and being responsible for more civillian deaths in countries that haven’t attacked us.

I will end illegal immigration, secure our borders, and identify every non-citizen in our nation.

That’s a pretty large promise. END illegal immigration. Really? Not one Mexican citizen will crawl over the border in hopes of finding a manipulative American citizen willing to pay them almost nothing for doing horrible work in order to feed their family and hope to start a better life? Call be fiscally conservative, but… how are we going to pay for this? Where is the money going to come from? … and why is it more important than say, taking care of our citizens?

I will restore fiscal discipline and cut wasteful Washington spending.

Wait, doesn’t this kind of counteract the other one? Where is the money going to come from to find every single non-citizen? Are you going to do it personally, for free? Wow. That’s a busy man.

I will cut taxes and reform the tax code.

Firstly, cut taxes? Refer to above.

Secondly, reform the tax code how? Your predecessor did so and hurt the poor. Do you have a plan of doing it fairly, and if you do, why not outline it and show why “reform” means that it will benefit ME, and not the millionaires funding your campaign.

I will impose accountability on Washington.

This one doesn’t sound bad. I’d like to know the how’s and why’s, and what he means by that. Unfortunately, the “learn more” section isn’t working.

I will lead America towards energy independence.

How, exactly? … and how without raising taxes? … and what kind of energy?

I will give Americans more control over and access to health care with affordable and portable free-market solutions.

Unforunately, Rudy seems to have set himself an impossible goal. More Americans won’t have access to health care with free-market solutions, given the fact that that gives the health care companies more control over the health care programs. Poor guy doesn’t even know what he’s in for.

I will increase adoptions, decrease abortions, and protect the quality of life for our children.

Doesn’t sound bad as long as abortion is still safe & legal and he means that he’ll decrease abortions by making Plan B and contraceptives more readily available… and increasing adoptions by making sure gay couples are included.

Also… by protecting the quality of life for our children, surely he means protecting free health care for them, right? Or wait… no, you already said that you’re against that.

I will reform the legal system and appoint strict constructionist judges.

Once again, how. Also, strict constructionist judges has become shorthand for conservative judges, so far that it’s included in the Wikipedia entry. Seriously.

I will ensure that every community in America is prepared for terrorist attacks and natural disasters.

I’m not against this. I do wonder how he plans to do it without raising taxes though. Also, when you look at his next commitment, it seems ironic that he’s willing to funnel money into protecting us from disaster and evil, but not funnel money into actually increasing the intellectual level of the American public through well-funded public education. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that people get more liberal with more education.

I will provide access to a quality education to every child in America by giving real school choice to parents.

Why not just improve public education? Logically, some kids are always going to be in public schools, so instead of offering more choices, why don’t we make the FREE option better instead of funnelling it’s money into private schools while letting the other ones rot?

I will expand America’s involvement in the global economy and strengthen our reputation around the world.

The global economy hurts citizens. Being able to by cheap mass-produced stuff seems nice right now, yes, but when you’re trying to find a job, it doesn’t help. The global economy may seem un-avoidable, but free-trade agreements are hurting the American people, as well as people all over. Companies aren’t required to pay Mexican citizens minimum-wage, and therefore, you may find yourself out of a job. Outsourcing is another result of the global economy.

Strengthen our reputation? Doesn’t this kind of counter-act the whole, fighting the “terrorists” approach we saw earlier? America isn’t going to improve in the eyes of the international community until we grow up and learn a lesson in humility, as well as one in caution when it comes to war. Pre-emptive strikes are just a flowery way of saying “starting the war.”

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